Personal Statement Blues

I'm in a rut, a big rut. I'm singing the personal statement blues because wow is it hard to boost your own ego up that much (if you don't have a huge ego already that is).

I don't even know how to start the damn thing! I'm getting different pieces of advice from everyone and it's just all throwing me for a loop. Seriously I think I have one sentence written from the past three to four days....which may also be due to the fact that my last semester as an undergrad has officially begun!

I only have three classes this semester, plus an independent study. I'm stoked! But that doesn't include everything else I do...

Any way, personal statements suck! I firmly believe that they were created as an instrument of torture for prosepective grad students. It's to see how much you can take early on, so you don't accidentally get in then have a meltdown later on. Smart people these grad school admissions people. They may in fact be related to the witch hunters of 16th century Europe (Yes one of my classes is Hitory of Witches). Torture devices were used then too, but not so subtly.

I don't understand the concept of a truely unique personal statement. I mean isn't the plan the same for everyone? Boost yourself up like crazy, say why you would be good for their program, research/career interests, blah blah blah. You just have to make something stand out, but there are only so many things you can do. And who knows where the line is. I mean there are PLENTY of things I could say to make my personal statement unique, I like using the word Vagina a lot for example, but I think there is a line somewhere that shouldn't be crossed. Be personal, but don't reveal too much. Sound intelligent, but not pompus. Sound like you've done a lot, but don't pad your resume. Make them want you. That one kills me! I can't manage to make every love interest I've had "want me" how am I supposed to do that with an entire admissions committee?!?

It's nonsense I tell you, pure nonsense!

Applications out the Wing Wang!

I've been trying to get myself motivated and also realize that I'm not going to get into every grad school I apply too, which means I need to find more schools with programs that I'm interested in. Then I realized that deadlines are quickly approaching.

So last night I began my frenzied search...

At this point I've started my application to Drexel for their psych Masters (I know, it's a long shot, but it's a free application!). I also started looking into Women's Studies Masters programs. I sort of feel like a traitor applying to Women's Studies... I'm a psych major with a Women's Studies and french minor and I've intended to go to grad school for psych for a while now. My advisor expects me to go for psych, which is where I get caught up.

I'm the type of person that will do exactly what people expect me to. Always have been, thought I'm trying to break free of that. I just don't want to let my advisor down...she's done so much for me and really inspires me on a daily basis. I love psych, I really do, but I don't know if I want to go into the psych field for the rest of my life.

I know what you're thinking "You need to do what's right for you"...yeah, easier said than done in my case. I don't know what's right for me. I've never really had the chance to figure that out. All I know is that since I started college I've been majorly invovled in advocacy programs, the Vagina Monologues and other activities that are focused around Women's Studies and ending violence against women. That's what I think I want to do. I want to do outreach in Urban areas for women, creating educational and intervention programs. I know psych would be a good background for it, but I think women's studies is the better way to go.

So I'm applying to Women's Studies programs too. Right now I have started the applications to SUNY Albany, DePaul and Eastern Michigan, but I should probably find more. Luckily all of these places either have a later application date or don't require the "Grrrrrrrr", so it won't be hard to get those done. I mainly just have to get on top of writing my personal statements, that's really the only thing holding me up.

Oh...another thing "holding me up" is going to be recommendation letters. Since I'm scared to tell my psych advisor I don't necessarily want to go into a psych program, that means I have to find other people to write me recommendation letters. It's not a HUGE problem, but it's not going to be the easiest thing to do either. I have two other professors that have written recommendations to Drexel for me already (one of which is a Women's Studies professor who I know will be thrilled with this decision!). But I don't want to overload them...

I just have the problem of having so many majors in the past and usually only taking 1 or 2 classes with any given professor. I'd really like to get recommendations from profs that know me well (you know, what you're supposed to do).  The only other profs I've taken more than one class in the psych dept really aren't that fond of me so I really don't think I'll go to them. There is always the french dept...oh wait, I already asked the french prof I've had since my freshman year and she flat out told me she doesn't really think I'll make it in grad school...THANKS FOR THAT! Ehh what does she know (besides being ABD and all...).

Well I guess I should get back to those applications and that damn personal statement.

"So, what are your plans for after graduation?"

Every time I go home each memeber of my family asks me what I'm going to do after graduation and each time I tell them that I'm going to graduate school. Then they shake their head at me. They just don't understand, probably because I'm going to be the first person to graduate college in my family, let alone go on to a more advanced degree.

They didn't understand, but I did, at least I thought I understood. I want more for myself. I don't want to be like them, stuck in their pathetic lives, never really getting anywhere yet contantly pushing forward.


Well, anyway, it's the Spring semester of my senior year and I'm graduating in less than 5 months with a B.S in Psychology counseling concentration and minors in French and Women's Studies. I have about a month or two before all of my graduate school applications have to be done (depending on deadlines!).

I'm absolutely terrified! There is so much to do and so little time. I have personal statements to write that have to be tailored to each school, I have to take the GRE (which I call the Grrrrrrrr), send out my transcripts (which I feel are lacking), and more. Plus I have to do this while I'm continuing to be a full-time student, conducting my own research project in an independent study, working two jobs (one of which is "part-time" 39 hours a week and the other is a work study job), attending the various club meetings that I'm involved in, organizing and directing The Vagina Monologues and putting together a week long string of events about ending violence against women.

How am I going to get everything done and stay sane?!? Well, the whole sane thing isn't really that important I guess, but how the hell am I going to get all of this done?

Setting up a schedule is the first thing that needs to be done...several schedules in fact. I need a GRE study schedule, a grad school search schedule, an application schedule, a class/meeting/work/practice schedule, a V-Day schedule...I don't know how I'm going to get everything done, but I know I will!

So, what are my plans for after graduation? I'm going to grad school!