It's been three weeks since graduation and already I can feel all of my knowledge slowly being sucked out of my brain through a straw. It's a painfully frustrating experience. I'm not used to being so bored, I always have things to do, papers to write, things to organize or direct...
Being bored is not something I'm used to...it just doesn't feel right.
Now I just feel like I have nothing; no purpose or reason. Ugh! It's awful!
I want to be able to wake up in the morning and know that I'm going to graduate school, that I'm going to be better, that I have purpose and reason. It's kind of pathetic to think that I'm basing my whole reason for existance around this one thing, but it's what I want most in the world and I'll fight for it if I have to. I say that as if there's something I can do if I'm not accepted, like if I e-mail or call enough people they'll say "Just let her in already"...I'm pretty sure thats not how it works. In fact that would probably work against me.
I just hate this waiting game I'm stuck in now. And I hate Hate HATE depending on other people. I'm only waiting on recommendation letters now. I actually have three going to Eastern Michigan because the president of my university said she'd love to write one for me, so I figured it couldn't hurt, right. Then I have one from my psychology advisor, who is awesome, and one from one of my Women's Studies professors, Dr. S, also awesome. The only problem is I'm still waiting for them. The president has sent hers in and my advisor told me it would be after today (memorial day) that they would be sent in, but it's my Women's Studies prof I'm freaking out about. I've e-mailed her a few times and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I don't know what to do. I mean it's WS programs that I'm applying to and I wrote about how much this prof inspires me in my personal statement and now I'm just going to look stupid if she doesn't end up writing/sending it. I won't even have a recommendation from someone in our WS department...ugh I'm going to look like an idiot...Maybe I'll e-mail my WS advisor, she might know a better way to get in contact with Dr. S...hmm...
Any advise?
May 13, 2011
Post-Graduation Pre-Grad School Job Hunt
Today was filled with applications of a different nature. As any recent college graduate knows it’s that ever important time of Post-Graduation Pre-Grad School Job Hunt! Very exciting stuff I know.
Reasons I need a job (or two):
- I don’t currently have one
- I’m broke
- I don’t particularly want to live with my parents
- I’m broke
- Grad School is not going to pay for itself
- I’m broke
- Money pays bills (e.g. Cell Phone, car insurance, gas, new parts for a broken computer, etc.)
- Did I mention I’m broke?
So I’ve been spending the past few days putting in applications…once again I feel like I have applications out the wing wang. Today alone I applied for 8 jobs…5 others two days ago. I’m hoping to get one…two would be nice.
Listen to this though…I’m a college graduate with a B. S. in Psychology, counseling concentration minors in French and Women’s Studies and the jobs I’ve applied for: Lowes, Sneaker King, Bed Bath and Beyond, Borders, Barnes and Noble, Party City…you get the hint.
It’s only because I’m hoping it will only be a summer job, after all I need to go to grad school in the fall, right? So applying for a “real” job would be a waste of time for them and me. I considered it though. Looking into jobs at Mental Health Services, Treatment facilities, etc. I’m qualified for them, but they all state: THIS IS NOT A SUMMER JOB…just like that too.
So, what am I supposed to do? Anticipate failure of the grad school dream and try for a “real” job? Or suffer through a shitty summer job or two for a while? I’m thinking summer job or two because even if I don’t get in *dies inside at the thought* I’ll be able to apply for “real” jobs later and still make some money to get by until then.
I'm thinking of just carrying around a sign that says "They let me graduate, Please Hire me!" Or something to that effect
Good things happen in 3's too!, ya know
OK so last post's little freak out, I'm pretty sure that was stress, no sleep, and Amp induced. I now know not to drink that many energy drinks and attempt to communicate with people at the same time. It's a bad idea.
Anyway, some very exciting things have happened since last post....
1.) Paper Palooza was a success! I finished my independent study paper...34 pages of it thank you very much! And got an A on it...way to go research!
2.) I Graduated! Wooo Hooo! Yep, Saturday May 7th 2011, I received my B.S in Psychology, counseling concentration with Minors in French and Women's Studies. Does that make me an eligible bachelorette? Ha ha. If EMU is looking, I'm definitely eligible! I guess this means I'm no longer psych undergrad, but oh well the name will remain the same until grad school happens
3.) Personal statement and CV have been written and are DONE! Par-Tay! I know, it's too exciting for words...I'll just take this short dance party break right now...
Yes that was 3 minutes and 47 seconds of me jumping like a nut! And apparently this song's music video is an epic chase scene...fitting. My personal statement was finished last night/this morning. I decided last night that I needed to get it done today. So, I submitted my application for Eastern Michigan and paid the app fee to motivate myself. Then I figured since I had been writing a lot by hand lately I'd start writing out the parts I was going to keep last night, figuring why wait. Well 15 minutes into writing it just hit me what I needed to do to connect it all and cut out the parts that needed to go. I was typing for no more than an hour and it was done. Plus I had it proof read last night, then sent it and my finished CV (also finished earlier yesterday) off to Eastern Michigan.
Then this morning I e-mailed everyone who said they'd give me recommendations. The President got back to me right away, she always does. No word yet from the other two, which slightly worries me...but no negativity in this post, just awesomeness!
I haven't felt this relaxed and at ease in a while. It's like the weight of the world was just lifted off me.
Now I just need to finish my History of Witches paper (I asked for an extension/ incomplete) and return these library books next week because they are SO overdue. And I guess I should tweak my personal statement a little for Towson...you know like take out how much I love Eastern Michigan and how awesome I think they are and which faculty at EMU I'd like to work with...they might appreciate that...
May 4, 2011
Mental Breakdowns, $225 worth of cookies, doughnuts and cupcakes, and SpagettiOs
Sometimes, it's the most random things that get you through the day.
Take today for example. I was told I wasn't going to be allowed to graduate. Why? Parking tickets. Are you SERIOUS?
Naturally that's where the mental breakdown came into play. There was many tears, angry ranting, falling asleep in the shower (because of a significant lack of sleep) and hugs from my department chair (AcKwArD)...
I freaked out to the point that I thought my whole life was ruined, over, done.
Then I went and talked to my department chair. I had no one else to go to at that point because my boss (ya know, in the counseling center) was like "Shut up and go write a paper or something". How sensitive of you!
Well, my department chair (in psych of course) is infamous for giving hugs. I forgot this before I showed up at his office hysterically crying. After hugging me, he, the calm logical one, proceeded to figure out a plan. Turns out the po-po lied. I'm not being prevented from graduating, they're just going to hold that little piece of paper that says I graduated hostage for a bit...until I have the money to pay up.
Then we talked about everything else that happened today, like my phone being disconnected because I can't afford my bills since someone t-boned me and took off during spring break and I lost my job because my father held my car hostage for a month (yeah I'm used to people holding things hostage from me). Also talked abouthow it seems like everyone in my family decided to e-mail me and tell me how much of a fuck up I am. Like, my mother, who told me that she doesn't see how I can possibly thing grad school is a good idea. At that point I told her as politely as possible to fuck off. And, of course, when I say that I mean I just told her to fuck off and figured that was being polite.
Then my father decided to contact me via my aunt. Se asked me when I was going to send him tickets to graduation....hahaha, that's funny. You mean I was supposed to invite him after he held my car hostage for a month and lost me my job because of it, which is why I now can't afford my bills? Or did you mean I was supposed to invite him after he told me that I was disowned not two months ago? Either way, she got the same answer my mother did and I'm hoping she relays the message back to daddy dearest.
Yeah it was a bad day.
So I went to work at the counseling center for the night and at that point I was being as blunt as humanly possible. I had a can of SpagettiOs that I wanted to eat, but no can openner...DILEMMA! So everyone that passed I asked if they had one. Finally one of my friends took it over to the cafe-ish thing on campus and asked them to open it for me...sweet satisfaction at last!
Then I decided, eventually I was going to need a break from paper writing, so at 7:30 I went with one of the hall directors (who happens to be cool as shit<--not literal) to Wal-Mart, where, for a program, we bought $225 worth of cookies, cupcakes, doughnuts and brownies...walking through the isles with all that was the best! The looks on people's faces made everything seem so funny. The we get to the check out and the cashier didn't say anything for a bit. Finally she was like"...So I gotta ask..." Who wouldn't have to ask about that?!?
So now that its 2:42am and I've given myself a break from this seemingly non-stop paper writing, I'm going to get back to that non-stop paper writing...3 more days...just have to get through the next 3 days, get everything done, not have a breakdown and graduate...the rest can wait.
Take today for example. I was told I wasn't going to be allowed to graduate. Why? Parking tickets. Are you SERIOUS?
Naturally that's where the mental breakdown came into play. There was many tears, angry ranting, falling asleep in the shower (because of a significant lack of sleep) and hugs from my department chair (AcKwArD)...
I freaked out to the point that I thought my whole life was ruined, over, done.
Then I went and talked to my department chair. I had no one else to go to at that point because my boss (ya know, in the counseling center) was like "Shut up and go write a paper or something". How sensitive of you!
Well, my department chair (in psych of course) is infamous for giving hugs. I forgot this before I showed up at his office hysterically crying. After hugging me, he, the calm logical one, proceeded to figure out a plan. Turns out the po-po lied. I'm not being prevented from graduating, they're just going to hold that little piece of paper that says I graduated hostage for a bit...until I have the money to pay up.
Then we talked about everything else that happened today, like my phone being disconnected because I can't afford my bills since someone t-boned me and took off during spring break and I lost my job because my father held my car hostage for a month (yeah I'm used to people holding things hostage from me). Also talked abouthow it seems like everyone in my family decided to e-mail me and tell me how much of a fuck up I am. Like, my mother, who told me that she doesn't see how I can possibly thing grad school is a good idea. At that point I told her as politely as possible to fuck off. And, of course, when I say that I mean I just told her to fuck off and figured that was being polite.
Then my father decided to contact me via my aunt. Se asked me when I was going to send him tickets to graduation....hahaha, that's funny. You mean I was supposed to invite him after he held my car hostage for a month and lost me my job because of it, which is why I now can't afford my bills? Or did you mean I was supposed to invite him after he told me that I was disowned not two months ago? Either way, she got the same answer my mother did and I'm hoping she relays the message back to daddy dearest.
Yeah it was a bad day.
So I went to work at the counseling center for the night and at that point I was being as blunt as humanly possible. I had a can of SpagettiOs that I wanted to eat, but no can openner...DILEMMA! So everyone that passed I asked if they had one. Finally one of my friends took it over to the cafe-ish thing on campus and asked them to open it for me...sweet satisfaction at last!
Then I decided, eventually I was going to need a break from paper writing, so at 7:30 I went with one of the hall directors (who happens to be cool as shit<--not literal) to Wal-Mart, where, for a program, we bought $225 worth of cookies, cupcakes, doughnuts and brownies...walking through the isles with all that was the best! The looks on people's faces made everything seem so funny. The we get to the check out and the cashier didn't say anything for a bit. Finally she was like"...So I gotta ask..." Who wouldn't have to ask about that?!?
So now that its 2:42am and I've given myself a break from this seemingly non-stop paper writing, I'm going to get back to that non-stop paper writing...3 more days...just have to get through the next 3 days, get everything done, not have a breakdown and graduate...the rest can wait.
May 2, 2011
May Angels Lead You In
In sitting here trying, once again, to write my personal statement, I finally realized what who was missing. My first psychology advisor, Dr. Margaret Launius. I don't even know where to begin descibing what this woman means to me. She's the reason I became a psychology major and a women's studies minor. She's taught me more than any other professor ever could, academically and in life. Her strength and spirit are unparalleled and it was an honor to have been given the opportunity to learn from her.
When I was told that Dr. Launius passed away in November of 2010, I dropped to the floor. I couldn't and did not want to believe it. I knew she had been fighting cancer for many years, but this was Dr. Launius after all, I thought she was immortal.
Now I'm sitting here ready to graduate and she's not here. It doesn't feel right. I always thought after I walked across that stage, she would be the first person to hug me. She would be proud of me. She would be there.
I know she'll always be in my heart and I will always feel her presense. I just wish I got the chance to thank her for all she's done for me, for all she's taught me.
I've been told before that sometimes people come into your life and they're only there for a season, others remain for a lifetime. Though she was only in my life for a short time, Dr. Launius has made an impact that will last a lifetime. I hope she knew that. I hope she knew how much she meant to me.
It was only because of you, Dr. Launius, that I'm here today. You found me in my darkest hour, picked up the pieces and helped me to transform into the strong passionate woman I am today.
Forever&Always
When I was told that Dr. Launius passed away in November of 2010, I dropped to the floor. I couldn't and did not want to believe it. I knew she had been fighting cancer for many years, but this was Dr. Launius after all, I thought she was immortal.
Now I'm sitting here ready to graduate and she's not here. It doesn't feel right. I always thought after I walked across that stage, she would be the first person to hug me. She would be proud of me. She would be there.
I know she'll always be in my heart and I will always feel her presense. I just wish I got the chance to thank her for all she's done for me, for all she's taught me.
I've been told before that sometimes people come into your life and they're only there for a season, others remain for a lifetime. Though she was only in my life for a short time, Dr. Launius has made an impact that will last a lifetime. I hope she knew that. I hope she knew how much she meant to me.
It was only because of you, Dr. Launius, that I'm here today. You found me in my darkest hour, picked up the pieces and helped me to transform into the strong passionate woman I am today.
Forever&Always
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