MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!!

So, once again, it's been a while...camp life will do that to ya.

I have AWESOME news though! Yep, I did it, I got into grad school at Eastern Michigan University!!! WOOT!

I'm far too excited to even believe that it's true!

But, of course, they wouldn't just let me in, no. I had to really prove that I wanted to be there. You know what that means...a fight with admissions/processing. Apparently classes that I took during high school at a local university as a part of a high school advanced program I was in, created a little snag. Only admissions didn't tell me about this snag until I called them a week before I was supposed to start my classes!

Long story short, I ran up my cell phone bill going WAY over my minutes for the month on the phone with EMU, Wilkes University and my high school. I think admissions finally got sick of me because they pushed the application through without the official transcript :) SUCCESS!

I move out to Michigan in about 29 hours. I'll be leaving around 4 am to get to housing before they close at 5. Then starting classes on Wednesday! One of my "required" classes is called Feminist Thought...required...HA! Like they'd have to require me to take that class!

I get to meet the rest of my cohort Wednesday too and set up the rest of my schedule. I'm so happy I could burst!

Hey! Do you want to work at a camp? It's AWESOME!

After thinking that I got my mojo back I was actually turned down for the job I most wanted at UMass and one of my really god friends was hired instead...yeah it kinda hurt a bit. I was being down on myself and not really doing much for a day or two and then the Friday after my last post I get this call... It's this guy named Layton and he says he wanted to know if a) I had found summer employment and b) if not, would I be interested in working at a camp... I said a) no and b) potentially. I had never heard of the camp before...why? Its in Maine...yeah I'm not from Maine, so I had to check this out before driving 9 hours. He tells me he needs me to call him back the next day.

So, I check out their website. It looks legit. My mother kindly butts in that she's sure if Charles Manson had a recruitment website, it would probably look legit too...she had a point, but I was in a funk after that rejection and I needed to do something...even if it was getting murdered in the middle of the woods in Maine. So I called Layton back and he told me to be there on Monday.

Monday came around and I was supposed to leave around 9am so I'd get there when it was still light out...haha things didn't quite work out like that and I didn't end up leaving until 1pm, which meant that I wasn't going to be arriving until 10pm.

Camp, of course, was in the middle of the woods. As I'm driving down this winding dirt driveway, in the dead of night, with no lights or people anywhere, I was thinking about calling my mom to have someone to be witness to my murder...then I thought about it and wouldn't want to here the "I told you so" that would DEFINITELY ensue. So there I was, convinced I was about to die alone in bumblefuck Maine. I parked next to another car at the end of the driveway and try to get the courage to walk to the shack-like building that says "Office" and has a light on. All these peppy perky people great me and it stead of being relieved I'm pretty sure my reaction was "Oh fuck I'm joining a cult"

To make a long story short (er) I've been working at a camp in Maine since then. It's a real camp and after a little bit of a bumpy start, I absolutely love it here! (Maybe it is a cult! Shit I did drink the bug juice...is that like kool-aid?!?)

Sometimes everything works out for the best. I'm really glad I didn't get that job at UMass and ended up here, besides, my friend absolutely hated it there and said it was horrible.

I've got my mojo back!

After spending months thinking I've lost it all, I finally got my mojo back!

This past week has been just what I needed! I spent some amazing quality time with my best friend and been applying for jobs like crazy and it all paid off!

My best friend and I, along with another friend have decided that we're going to work together on a blog (sounds crazy right? Me? Blogging? hmm). I didn't come up with the idea, that would be Gracie (her blogger name). It's going to be a blog about finding love in the 21st century with some interesting twists. We're exploring online dating from a few different perspective and I'll be doing a lot of backgroud research and coming up with questionnaires, multi-generational interviews, exposing LGBT diversity and so much more(FUN!). Well the idea is good, I'm just worried about the follow through...we'll see where it goes.

Any way, the real excitement all came from today. I started off the day with a bang; working through the night on my pet project for V-Day (an organization dedicated to ending violence against women). Then I went to Barnes&Noble for coffee and more writing time. When I got home the magic happened. It was like everything I've been hoping would come through for me suddenly did.

I got an e-mail telling me that I'm going to e the new freelance feminism writer for the Scranton Examiner. Then I got a phone call asking me to come in for another job interview next Wednesday and the woman seemed super nice (I'm secretely hoping it'll be one of those interviews that turns into a "Well, this is what you're going to be doing...how's Monday work as a starting date?" kind of interview. THEN I got an e-mail fom my hall director telling me about ANOTHER job! This one is the best of all! It'll be working for a summer program for high school students (like the summer jobs I've worked for the past two years) at UMass Amherst! It's an amazing opportunity and I really hope I get it.

Aside from all the jobs, one of my recommenders for grad school e-mailed me today, yep the one I couldn't get in touch with. Turns out she's not teaching this summer so she hasn't been checking her e-mail. She's now sending the letter off right away and I couldn't be happier...I mean she is th person I talked up in my personal statement and all...

I really couldn't believe that all of this was happening in the course of an hour! Every time my phone rang or sang to me it was informing me of another job or congratulating me! Yeah, it was an awesome sauce feeling to have things come together like that all of the sudden.

The only bump in the road is that one of my best friends from college is also applying for the UMass job and she wants it just as bad as I do, if not more. My fear is that she'll be angry at me for applying and when she was telling me how badly she wanted this job I felt so guilty, but I can't let it stop me, right? Well I've sort of already decided that if I get the job and she doesn't I'm turning it down and asking that she be hired instead. I know me asking that probably won't make a difference, but I'm not going to accpet if she doesn't get it...the guilt might kill me. It just goes to show how much her friendship means to me I guess...*sigh*

Well that's the story of the amazing day of amazingness where I got my mojo back...short sweet and to the point, just like me...usually

We're pretty and sick, We're young and we're bored

It's been three weeks since graduation and already I can feel all of my knowledge slowly being sucked out of my brain through a straw. It's a painfully frustrating experience. I'm not used to being so bored, I always have things to do, papers to write, things to organize or direct...

Being bored is not something I'm used to...it just doesn't feel right.

Now I just feel like I have nothing; no purpose or reason. Ugh! It's awful!

I want to be able to wake up in the morning and know that I'm going to graduate school, that I'm going to be better, that I have purpose and reason. It's kind of pathetic to think that I'm basing my whole reason for existance around this one thing, but it's what I want most in the world and I'll fight for it if I have to. I say that as if there's something I can do if I'm not accepted, like if I e-mail or call enough people they'll say "Just let her in already"...I'm pretty sure thats not how it works. In fact that would probably work against me.

I just hate this waiting game I'm stuck in now. And I hate Hate HATE depending on other people. I'm only waiting on recommendation letters now. I actually have three going to Eastern Michigan because the president of my university said she'd love to write one for me, so I figured it couldn't hurt, right. Then I have one from my psychology advisor, who is awesome, and one from one of my Women's Studies professors, Dr. S, also awesome. The only problem is I'm still waiting for them. The president has sent hers in and my advisor told me it would be after today (memorial day) that they would be sent in, but it's my Women's Studies prof I'm freaking out about. I've e-mailed her a few times and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I don't know what to do. I mean it's WS programs that I'm applying to and I wrote about how much this prof inspires me in my personal statement and now I'm just going to look stupid if she doesn't end up writing/sending it. I won't even have a recommendation from someone in our WS department...ugh I'm going to look like an idiot...Maybe I'll e-mail my WS advisor, she might know a better way to get in contact with Dr. S...hmm...

Any advise?

Post-Graduation Pre-Grad School Job Hunt

Today was filled with applications of a different nature. As any recent college graduate knows it’s that ever important time of Post-Graduation Pre-Grad School Job Hunt! Very exciting stuff I know.

Reasons I need a job (or two):

1. I don’t currently have one
2. I’m broke
3. I don’t particularly want to live with my parents
4. I’m broke
5. Grad School is not going to pay for itself
6. I’m broke
7. Money pays bills (e.g. Cell Phone, car insurance, gas, new parts for a broken computer, etc.)
8. Did I mention I’m broke?

So I’ve been spending the past few days putting in applications…once again I feel like I have applications out the wing wang. Today alone I applied for 8 jobs…5 others two days ago. I’m hoping to get one…two would be nice.

Listen to this though…I’m a college graduate with a B. S. in Psychology, counseling concentration minors in French and Women’s Studies and the jobs I’ve applied for: Lowes, Sneaker King, Bed Bath and Beyond, Borders, Barnes and Noble, Party City…you get the hint.

It’s only because I’m hoping it will only be a summer job, after all I need to go to grad school in the fall, right? So applying for a “real” job would be a waste of time for them and me. I considered it though. Looking into jobs at Mental Health Services, Treatment facilities, etc. I’m qualified for them, but they all state: THIS IS NOT A SUMMER JOB…just like that too.

So, what am I supposed to do? Anticipate failure of the grad school dream and try for a “real” job? Or suffer through a shitty summer job or two for a while? I’m thinking summer job or two because even if I don’t get in *dies inside at the thought* I’ll be able to apply for “real” jobs later and still make some money to get by until then.

I'm thinking of just carrying around a sign that says "They let me graduate, Please Hire me!" Or something to that effect

Good things happen in 3's too!, ya know

OK so last post's little freak out, I'm pretty sure that was stress, no sleep, and Amp induced. I now know not to drink that many energy drinks and attempt to communicate with people at the same time. It's a bad idea.

Anyway, some very exciting things have happened since last post....

1.) Paper Palooza was a success! I finished my independent study paper...34 pages of it thank you very much! And got an A on it...way to go research!

2.) I Graduated! Wooo Hooo! Yep, Saturday May 7th 2011, I received my B.S in Psychology, counseling concentration with Minors in French and Women's Studies. Does that make me an eligible bachelorette? Ha ha. If EMU is looking, I'm definitely eligible!  I guess this means I'm no longer psych undergrad, but oh well the name will remain the same until grad school happens

3.) Personal statement and CV have been written and are DONE! Par-Tay! I know, it's too exciting for words...I'll just take this short dance party break right now...

Yes that was 3 minutes and 47 seconds of me jumping like a nut! And apparently this song's music video is an epic chase scene...fitting. My personal statement was finished last night/this morning. I decided last night that I needed to get it done today. So, I submitted my application for Eastern Michigan and paid the app fee to motivate myself. Then I figured since I had been writing a lot by hand lately I'd start writing out the parts I was going to keep last night, figuring why wait. Well 15 minutes into writing it just hit me what I needed to do to connect it all and cut out the parts that needed to go. I was typing for no more than an hour and it was done. Plus I had it proof read last night, then sent it and my finished CV (also finished earlier yesterday) off to Eastern Michigan.

Then this morning I e-mailed everyone who said they'd give me recommendations. The President got back to me right away, she always does. No word yet from the other two, which slightly worries me...but no negativity in this post, just awesomeness!

I haven't felt this relaxed and at ease in a while. It's like the weight of the world was just lifted off me.

Now I just need to finish my History of Witches paper (I asked for an extension/ incomplete) and return these library books next week because they are SO overdue. And I guess I should tweak my personal statement a little for Towson...you know like take out how much I love Eastern Michigan and how awesome I think they are and which faculty at EMU I'd like to work with...they might appreciate that...

Mental Breakdowns, $225 worth of cookies, doughnuts and cupcakes, and SpagettiOs

Sometimes, it's the most random things that get you through the day.

Take today for example. I was told I wasn't going to be allowed to graduate. Why? Parking tickets. Are you SERIOUS?

Naturally that's where the mental breakdown came into play. There was many tears, angry ranting, falling asleep in the shower (because of a significant lack of sleep) and hugs from my department chair (AcKwArD)...

I freaked out to the point that I thought my whole life was ruined, over, done.

Then I went and talked to my department chair. I had no one else to go to at that point because my boss (ya know, in the counseling center) was like "Shut up and go write a paper or something". How sensitive of you!

Well, my department chair (in psych of course) is infamous for giving hugs. I forgot this before I showed up at his office hysterically crying. After hugging me, he, the calm logical one, proceeded to figure out a plan. Turns out the po-po lied. I'm not being prevented from graduating, they're just going to hold that little piece of paper that says I graduated hostage for a bit...until I have the money to pay up.

Then we talked about everything else that happened today, like my phone being disconnected because I can't afford my bills since someone t-boned me and took off during spring break and I lost my job because my father held my car hostage for a month (yeah I'm used to people holding things hostage from me). Also talked abouthow it seems like everyone in my family decided to e-mail me and tell me how much of a fuck up I am. Like, my mother, who told me that she doesn't see how I can possibly thing grad school is a good idea. At that point I told her as politely as possible to fuck off. And, of course, when I say that I mean I just told her to fuck off and figured that was being polite.

Then my father decided to contact me via my aunt. Se asked me when I was going to send him tickets to graduation....hahaha, that's funny. You mean I was supposed to invite him after he held my car hostage for a month and lost me my job because of it, which is why I now can't afford my bills? Or did you mean I was supposed to invite him after he told me that I was disowned not two months ago? Either way, she got the same answer my mother did and I'm hoping she relays the message back to daddy dearest.

Yeah it was a bad day.

So I went to work at the counseling center for the night and at that point I was being as blunt as humanly possible. I had a can of SpagettiOs that I wanted to eat, but no can openner...DILEMMA! So everyone that passed I asked if they had one. Finally one of my friends took it over to the cafe-ish thing on campus and asked them to open it for me...sweet satisfaction at last!

Then I decided, eventually I was going to need a break from paper writing, so at 7:30 I went with one of the hall directors (who happens to be cool as shit<--not literal) to Wal-Mart, where, for a program, we bought $225 worth of cookies, cupcakes, doughnuts and brownies...walking through the isles with all that was the best! The looks on people's faces made everything seem so funny. The we get to the check out and the cashier didn't say anything for a bit. Finally she was like"...So I gotta ask..." Who wouldn't have to ask about that?!?


So now that its 2:42am and I've given myself a break from this seemingly non-stop paper writing, I'm going to get back to that non-stop paper writing...3 more days...just have to get through the next 3 days, get everything done, not have a breakdown and graduate...the rest can wait.

May Angels Lead You In

In sitting here trying, once again, to write my personal statement, I finally realized what  who was missing. My first psychology advisor, Dr. Margaret Launius. I don't even know where to begin descibing what this woman means to me. She's the reason I became a psychology major and a women's studies minor. She's taught me more than any other professor ever could, academically and in life. Her strength and spirit are unparalleled and it was an honor to have been given the opportunity to learn from her.

When I was told that Dr. Launius passed away in November of 2010, I dropped to the floor. I couldn't and did not want to believe it. I knew she had been fighting cancer for many years, but this was Dr. Launius after all, I thought she was immortal.

Now I'm sitting here ready to graduate and she's not here. It doesn't feel right. I always thought after I walked across that stage, she would be the first person to hug me. She would be proud of me. She would be there.

I know she'll always be in my heart and I will always feel her presense. I just wish I got the chance to thank her for all she's done for me, for all she's taught me.

I've been told before that sometimes people come into your life and they're only there for a season, others remain for a lifetime. Though she was only in my life for a short time, Dr. Launius has made an impact that will last a lifetime. I hope she knew that. I hope she knew how much she meant to me.

It was only because of you, Dr. Launius, that I'm here today. You found me in my darkest hour, picked up the pieces and helped me to transform into the strong passionate woman I am today.

Forever&Always

Graduation Realization

So, I’m graduating in a week. 7 days. Well, technically 7 days from this time I’ll be a college graduate. I don’t know quite how I’m supposed to feel about this. Excited, I guess, maybe scared. Currently though, it doesn’t seem real. Is that normal?

The realization, right… I completely forgot the sudden realization that I had. I took a break from paper writing and went to the bar with two of the best people ever, got a little tipsy and fell completely head over heals for someone.

Now I’m sitting in our art building on campus, watching the two of them paint and make beautiful art, while listening to Adele and everything just seems so right. I wish this was my college experience start to finish, but maybe that’s what this realization is supposed to be. That sometimes you wait your whole life to find the people you belong with, just before they’re taken away. So, you have to cherish the moments you have with them and not let everything bog you down some much.

These are the moments I’ll treasure for the rest of my life, grad school or not.

Sex Ed Never Told Us About This Kind of Desire

I've noticed that I never really explained how much I want to go to graduate school and the motivation behind this whole quest...so to further procrastinate Paper Palooza, I think I'll take this lovely opportunity to do so now.

Hmm, so where to begin.

I've never really thought about school ending. When I was in high school it was always just assumed I was going to college, even if I ended up at  a University I'd never heard of and only went to because of their marching band, which I quit, and that happens to be the capital of bumblefuck nowhere.

I sort of had the same mindset in college, that this wasn't the end. So I didn't think about what I was going to do after college, that was simple, I was going to graduate school. Now what I'm facing is the terrifying fact that getting into graduate school is not as easy as getting into college. Nothing about this process is easy, nothing. I'm facing the idea that I might not get in. I might not be good enough. This is horrifying.

I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in. I don't have a plan, a job, a real place to live. I have nothing without school. I am school. It's what I do, it's all I've ever done and all I want to do. Hell, I want to be a college professor!

I mean sure there are other things I could do, but there's a huge difference between doing something you want to do and doing something because you can do it. Doing something just because I can and just because I wasn't good enough means that I'm like everyone else in my family, nothing. And I don't mean to look down on my family, they will always be a part of me and where I came from, but they're not who I want to be. If I wake up one morning ten years down the road and I see my mother's worn out eyes, worry lines, and mouth that hasn't seen a real smile in who knows how long, I don't even know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be pretty.

I need grad school. It's my way out of this. I need it like I need air. I won't survive long without it. I won't know what to do with myself. I'm freaking out now at the mere though of not getting in...what would I do if I actually didn't.

The thing that is freaking me out the most now is that there's nothing I can improve besides my personal statement. Which is why it's taken me so long to write the damn thing. It HAS to be perfect. I can't go back and change my grades. I can't apply myself more, I can't do more now. The personal statement is the only thing I have to improve, but it's also the only thing holding me back. It's never going to be perfect. Someone will always have something negative to say about it. It just needs to be good enough. I need to be good enough.

I've tried to do everything the books tell you to do: I've contacted professors from them program, I've been talking to them, letting them know who I am and trying to get a sense of their research. I'm writing the damn statement, trying to make it different, but not too different. I'm trying to get everything done. I'm doing the research I just presented at a conference, but is it enough?

It doesn't feel like it. Not when I get back from the prof an example of what a CV should look like and it's got all this experience, like being a lab assistant, papers upon papers, conferences...it just goes on and on and I'm left feeling completely inadequate.

I want to get in so badly. Through the sarcastic postings, I think you can still see that. I'm not really cocky or arrogant. I don't think I'm the shit. I don't really think I'm good enough. I don't think I'm actually going to get in. I don't think anyone really does.

I just wish I knew what people really think. People like my advisor. Does she really believe in me, or does she just say that in an attempt to not make me feel like shit. What about the prof I sent my CV and statement to? Does she think I have a shot in the dark? I wouldn't dare ask because she'll honestly tell me no and then I'll just feel even worse.




Ugh! This is stupid.

Just poured my first cup of coffee for the night...maybe that'll make me feel better. I swear I'm not usually this pathetic...

This song sums up my feelings about grad school and why I need to get in. It's a beautiful song, so just listen to it.

Paper Palooza, Personal Statements and other Perfectly Peachie Parts of my life

'P' seems to be the theme of today...mainly because I'm a little pissed off. Last night I was going to my fav place to write papers (Dennys) since I live in a world where the library closes at 11pm even the week before finals...LAME!

Dennys is 30 miles away and the best part is they give you all you can drink coffee for $2 and they won't let you fall asleep! Perfect Place to write Plenty of Papers, right? Well I thought so too. On the way though, of course, I get a flat tire and I mean flatter than flat, it was down to the rim of the tire and I was PISSED! These were brand new tires and I just got my car back. So I'm on the side of a major highway (Well as major as the highways get out here in boonie county USA) in an absolute Panic. Luckily I had a level-headed friend with me and she calmed me down, told me to just smoke a cig or something and we started to change the tire. Mission accomplished...about an hour later.

Other than that, once I got back to the university I dropped my friend off and had to park my car...in the farthest parking lot away from the dorms and it was about 4-4:30 am. So I called the Po-Po for a ride. He was nice about it and was jamming out to Love is a Battlefield (awesome!).

After that Pathetic excuse for a night, I slept in for a bit, only to wake up to an e-mail from the professor I sent my personal statement and CV to...

**Just a warning: If you send your personal statement and CV to a prof that you know is going to rip it a part (and you want them to do so) it might no be the best idea to read their comments first thing in the morning**

Basically, I need to cut out about half of the stuff and beef up other parts, change wordings and stop sounding like a pompous asshole...yeah I expected that, but it was definitely an *ouch* moment early in the morning that I was caught off guard with.

I have a new direction ow though, so thats good at least. I'm sending it to her again on Monday...when she'll probably tell me its too boring now and something they've heard before. It'll help me in the long run though, so I'm sucking it up and putting my big girl panties on.



Oh about this Paper Palooza thing. Yeah, so sometimes I feel bad for professors because they have so much work to do...I hope to be in their shoes one day so I try to sympathize, but at this point I'm getting a little testy.

If I'm not allowed to complain on facebook about all the papers I have to write and get made fun of in class (not just me but as a general thing) for talking about the progress of papers, then profs shouldn't be alowed to complain about grading them. Yes I understand that I'm only writing one paper for your class and you're reading 25-30, but my writing involves a lot of research, it takes longer to write the paper than to read it and your class is not the only one I have papers to write for.

There is one main difference between my bitching and yours. You are in control of how many papers you have to read and grade by how many you assign. I'm not in control in how many papers I have to write...that's also up to you.

Paper Palooza is my attempt to write 50-60 pages of papers by Thursday of next week. It's going to be fun-and-exciting-and-I'm-going-to-keep-smiling-and-talking-like-I'm-really-peppy-through-this-whole-thing-so-I-don't-attempt-to-hang-myself.

I'm armed with two coffee pots, a bag and a huge folders container of coffee, two milk bottles from our cafe, sugar packets out the wing-wang and Pixie Sticks :) for good measure.

So far in Paper Palooza i have complete 6 short write-ups for my scholarship and...well this blog. So much for not procrastinating! And with that I'm getting back to work! Wish me luck!

Update! Let's make that 6 write-ups and a Witches paper! Boo-Yah

(Grad Applications = Ducking) + My Mother = Confusion

I told the analogy of comparing ducking (refer to previous post) to the grad school application process to my mother. She didn't find it funny. She didn't really get any of my grad school jokes...

At least some of my friends get where I'm coming from and told me it's relate-able. I think so too, but then again...I would.

That's truly all for today...it's almost tomorrow anyway! Happy almost friday!

Caffeine, Rolling Admission and other things that I love so much

Wow, so it's been a while. My last post I said I had 5 months until I graduate...well that's changed slightly...I now have 9 days.

So some  updates:

1.) Women's Studies is where it's at! I grew some ovaries and told my advisor and guess what...she was completely chill about it! I should have known, I mean really, she's awesome.

1a.) What kind of potential grad student describes someone as "chill"...probably shouldn't add that in my ps

2.) Personal Statement Blues is a SERIOUS condition! If you find yourself in the PSB you need to seek help immediately, do not attempt to fight this on your own. I speak from experience seeing as I JUST finished a complete draft at Denny's a few nights ago. I've had so many people look at it in the past day or two it's ridiculous! Now it's in the hands of a psych prof  that has had seven years experience on an admissions committee, plus she's the type of person that doesn't give two shits about anyone else's feeling when she's criticizing them. I know this is what I need and it needs to be ripped apart by her instead of an admissions committee, but I'm still terrified. She'll be looking at it tomorrow and I'll be back tell you my woes of never wanting write another word again. I just hope my ego can survive the massacre enough to rebuild the statement...

3.) Did I mention I graduate in 9 days? Oh I guess I did, well before those 9 days fly right by I have between 50 and 60 pages to write for my three classes and independent study. I'M. GOING. TO. DIE. Normally I wouldn't think 50-60 is that bad, but in a week?



So, caffeine is a wonderful thing. Last week I didn't sleep from Sunday night to Friday...papers, presentations and pissy professors (OH MY!). Once again I was told by a doctor that I wasn't allowed to have caffeine anymore. I don't know how these people got their degrees! Honestly, if I tell you that I'm trying to get into grad school, you should know that caffeine is a major food group to me!

This whole no caffeine thing came up about this time last year...I had four pots and blood vessels exploded in my eye during  final. It wasn't a huge deal or anything, just looked like someone stabbed my eye with a needle a few dozen times. There was no permanent damage so I really didn't see what everyone was freaking out about.

I can't stand when professors say things like "Jess, I'm worried about you" or "You really need to sleep"...um well stop giving me huge papers to write and tell your colleagues to do the same, there's your solution!

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, rolling admissions.

As always, I have managed to put everything off until the last minute. Drexel was a no go. I know, its disappointing. I had a half assed personal statement and my grades just weren't good enough, not that they suck, but then again it was Drexel.

Side Note: When the spellcheck on here tried to correct "Drexel" they suggested I meant Durex...not exactly, but I'm glad someone is getting some (Switch brands dude! Durex sucks!)

I've finally set my mind on Women's Studies. Currently I would kill to get into EMU (Eastern Michigan University) Honestly, I would. I even told this to one of the counselors at work the other day. He said he'd help me hide the bodies (that's the kind of boss I need lol). I'm also applying to Towson in Maryland.

Funny story about Towson. The president of my current university went to Towson. Not only did she go there, but she taught there, was a dean there and created their theater program. Now being the outspoken person I am...I tend to yell at our president...A LOT. In fact once last year I told her I was ashamed of her and this university and that I was disgusted with her administration. You would think she would hate me, but no, for some reason this woman LOVES me! She can't sing my praises enough and it blows my mind. Sometimes I think she's bluffing, but no she legit loves me. Well, she offered to write me a recommendation for Towson and "make a few calls". How many people can say that their president knows them well enough to write them a recommendation? I'm guessing not that many.


Rolling Admissions are a beautiful thing. It allows me to have as many freak outs as I need to have to get everything done. The only thing is, I want to get my applications in now. This whole process is so draining! Once again referring to my History of Witches class, we learned about something called "ducking" the other day. This is when you throw an accused witch into a lake or some other body of water. If she floats, she's a witch, so you burn her to death. If she drowns she was innocent and the townspeople fucked up. Some consolation to the poor woman you just drowned! The grad school application process is like ducking. If you sink and don't make it then you fail. If you make it, you're only tortured more later on with theses and dissertations and all of that nonsense. Somehow this seems like something worthwhile to those of us on this quest...I'm having doubts...blasphemy!

One more cheesy quote, then i promise I'm done for the day: "Pick me, choose me, love me!" Meredith Grey, summing up the grad school application process, how cute.

Personal Statement Blues

I'm in a rut, a big rut. I'm singing the personal statement blues because wow is it hard to boost your own ego up that much (if you don't have a huge ego already that is).

I don't even know how to start the damn thing! I'm getting different pieces of advice from everyone and it's just all throwing me for a loop. Seriously I think I have one sentence written from the past three to four days....which may also be due to the fact that my last semester as an undergrad has officially begun!

I only have three classes this semester, plus an independent study. I'm stoked! But that doesn't include everything else I do...

Any way, personal statements suck! I firmly believe that they were created as an instrument of torture for prosepective grad students. It's to see how much you can take early on, so you don't accidentally get in then have a meltdown later on. Smart people these grad school admissions people. They may in fact be related to the witch hunters of 16th century Europe (Yes one of my classes is Hitory of Witches). Torture devices were used then too, but not so subtly.

I don't understand the concept of a truely unique personal statement. I mean isn't the plan the same for everyone? Boost yourself up like crazy, say why you would be good for their program, research/career interests, blah blah blah. You just have to make something stand out, but there are only so many things you can do. And who knows where the line is. I mean there are PLENTY of things I could say to make my personal statement unique, I like using the word Vagina a lot for example, but I think there is a line somewhere that shouldn't be crossed. Be personal, but don't reveal too much. Sound intelligent, but not pompus. Sound like you've done a lot, but don't pad your resume. Make them want you. That one kills me! I can't manage to make every love interest I've had "want me" how am I supposed to do that with an entire admissions committee?!?

It's nonsense I tell you, pure nonsense!

Applications out the Wing Wang!

I've been trying to get myself motivated and also realize that I'm not going to get into every grad school I apply too, which means I need to find more schools with programs that I'm interested in. Then I realized that deadlines are quickly approaching.

So last night I began my frenzied search...

At this point I've started my application to Drexel for their psych Masters (I know, it's a long shot, but it's a free application!). I also started looking into Women's Studies Masters programs. I sort of feel like a traitor applying to Women's Studies... I'm a psych major with a Women's Studies and french minor and I've intended to go to grad school for psych for a while now. My advisor expects me to go for psych, which is where I get caught up.

I'm the type of person that will do exactly what people expect me to. Always have been, thought I'm trying to break free of that. I just don't want to let my advisor down...she's done so much for me and really inspires me on a daily basis. I love psych, I really do, but I don't know if I want to go into the psych field for the rest of my life.

I know what you're thinking "You need to do what's right for you"...yeah, easier said than done in my case. I don't know what's right for me. I've never really had the chance to figure that out. All I know is that since I started college I've been majorly invovled in advocacy programs, the Vagina Monologues and other activities that are focused around Women's Studies and ending violence against women. That's what I think I want to do. I want to do outreach in Urban areas for women, creating educational and intervention programs. I know psych would be a good background for it, but I think women's studies is the better way to go.

So I'm applying to Women's Studies programs too. Right now I have started the applications to SUNY Albany, DePaul and Eastern Michigan, but I should probably find more. Luckily all of these places either have a later application date or don't require the "Grrrrrrrr", so it won't be hard to get those done. I mainly just have to get on top of writing my personal statements, that's really the only thing holding me up.

Oh...another thing "holding me up" is going to be recommendation letters. Since I'm scared to tell my psych advisor I don't necessarily want to go into a psych program, that means I have to find other people to write me recommendation letters. It's not a HUGE problem, but it's not going to be the easiest thing to do either. I have two other professors that have written recommendations to Drexel for me already (one of which is a Women's Studies professor who I know will be thrilled with this decision!). But I don't want to overload them...

I just have the problem of having so many majors in the past and usually only taking 1 or 2 classes with any given professor. I'd really like to get recommendations from profs that know me well (you know, what you're supposed to do).  The only other profs I've taken more than one class in the psych dept really aren't that fond of me so I really don't think I'll go to them. There is always the french dept...oh wait, I already asked the french prof I've had since my freshman year and she flat out told me she doesn't really think I'll make it in grad school...THANKS FOR THAT! Ehh what does she know (besides being ABD and all...).

Well I guess I should get back to those applications and that damn personal statement.

"So, what are your plans for after graduation?"

Every time I go home each memeber of my family asks me what I'm going to do after graduation and each time I tell them that I'm going to graduate school. Then they shake their head at me. They just don't understand, probably because I'm going to be the first person to graduate college in my family, let alone go on to a more advanced degree.

They didn't understand, but I did, at least I thought I understood. I want more for myself. I don't want to be like them, stuck in their pathetic lives, never really getting anywhere yet contantly pushing forward.


Well, anyway, it's the Spring semester of my senior year and I'm graduating in less than 5 months with a B.S in Psychology counseling concentration and minors in French and Women's Studies. I have about a month or two before all of my graduate school applications have to be done (depending on deadlines!).

I'm absolutely terrified! There is so much to do and so little time. I have personal statements to write that have to be tailored to each school, I have to take the GRE (which I call the Grrrrrrrr), send out my transcripts (which I feel are lacking), and more. Plus I have to do this while I'm continuing to be a full-time student, conducting my own research project in an independent study, working two jobs (one of which is "part-time" 39 hours a week and the other is a work study job), attending the various club meetings that I'm involved in, organizing and directing The Vagina Monologues and putting together a week long string of events about ending violence against women.

How am I going to get everything done and stay sane?!? Well, the whole sane thing isn't really that important I guess, but how the hell am I going to get all of this done?

Setting up a schedule is the first thing that needs to be done...several schedules in fact. I need a GRE study schedule, a grad school search schedule, an application schedule, a class/meeting/work/practice schedule, a V-Day schedule...I don't know how I'm going to get everything done, but I know I will!

So, what are my plans for after graduation? I'm going to grad school!